Every consolation feels like an awkward first date; Why is it so hard to find a good therapist?

As a young, Black woman who aspires to be mentally stable while existing in a debilitating world(specifically and quite literally a country founded on the idea of my demise), talk therapy is an essential part of my mental health hygiene.

Even though I have had three therapists over the span of four years there never seems to be enough time to cover EVERYTHING. Healing truly is lifelong work. Additionally, my nomadic lifestyle makes it difficult to maintain long term relationships, therapists included. 

The further I walk through my mental journey, the more specific I am with the kind of therapist I want to accompany me. First and foremost, I need someone within my demographic, who can understand intersectionality issues and how they dictate my mental wellbeing. Dehumanization, colorism, sexism, fetishization, appropriation, etc. are not concepts I want to explain to someone I am paying to guide me.

Next, I need a therapist that is open minded. While well versed in the science of psychology, she is also understanding of spirituality and physicality, two elements that work in tandem with the mind. 

Lastly, I desire to have a therapist that listens really well. I got a lot to say, opinions, think pieces, and theories that I just want to say out loud. 

If that sounds like too much to ask of one therapist, that may be true. If it sounds like a reasonable amount to ask, that may be true as well. The process of finding out is always exhausting. Mental clarity and health is not accessible, and that does not sit well with me. 

Finding a therapist, making sure they take my insurance, making a compatible time with both of our schedules, and then exploring each individual to see if we align. I am tired. Not to mention, I am privileged to have a large coverage plan with an insurance company that aids me in the process. 

I find no shame in therapy and am grateful to be living in a time where the practice is much less stigmatized. If anything, I’m on the complete opposite side of shame and take a lot of pride in the work I have done in therapy. During  conversations, I love to throw in a “my therapist says…” or “something learned in therapy…”. 

Giving up is not in my nature, and I know I will find a great therapist soon. If you are struggling to find a therapist for whatever reason, I want to remind you that you matter and you deserve to receive the health care you are seeking. Do not give up. 

Love and Light,